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Yes, the world feels like a never ending onslaught of crap, but within the malaise we still have to find little nuggets of joy. For me, that little nugget appeared in the form a type of sex toy I had never heard of before: These toys claim to utilize suction in a variety of ways to mimic the sensations a clitoris would feel Looking for a suck toy oral sex.

I've been calling these type of toys "clit suckers", but I don't know whether any of them are actually doing any sucking. They never took off in the way these new suction toys have, which first hit the scene in around For instance, take this tongue merry-go-round thing called the Sliquid Sqweel. If you showed Lookihg that Looking for a suck toy said it feels just like oral sex, I would think you were fucking with me.

Suxk, I thought, they would be better than the real thing and I could give up men for good.

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I tried a few—all of which were sent to me for free by their manufacturers or retailers—to see which could come closest to replicating an actual guy. It was the first I tried, so maybe my expectations were far too high but I have to say, I was pretty underwhelmed.

I was sincerely shocked by how painful it was to use. I was expecting a pleasant sucking, Loking it was way too intense, even on the lowest speed.

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I messed around with the settings, but ended up liking it most when there was Looking for a suck toy vibration at all. There were various settings for patterns of sucking, where it would go like, suck-pause-suck or suck-suck-pause, like someone doing morse code on my to. Different strokes pun intended I guess. It was uncomfortable, and I honestly kind of hated it.

I pretty much forced myself to make it happen even though my body was recoiling from the toy as much as it. This is the one that Looking for a suck toy of my girlfriends have told me to try. It looked somewhat more sleek than the others, and is activated by contact with skin.

The detachable head also comes with a backup.

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With most vibrators, I can get the job done in two or three minutes. Within the first few seconds of it touching my clit, something very surprising happened.

I pissed. I refuse to believe I squirted. Rather, it felt like vacuum induced piss.

Completely involuntary, and not at all erotic. I cleaned it up and tried.

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Not Loiking in the traditional sense, but more like the kind of pain you get from over stimulation. It was just too concentrated, and made me realize that my clitoris might not be cut out for these kinds of products. I ended up moving the Womanizer around, and positioning it farther away Looking for a suck toy my clit while upping the vibration setting, so it was still stimulating my clit but from more fof a distance.

This ended up feeling better, but also just like a normal vibrator. Eventually, I was able to come.

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It was piss free, but not great. Feminist Lokoing site and adult toy retailer Bellesa sent me this one. Reading online reviews of it Looking for a suck toy me excited, with some reviewers saying it was the best orgasm of their Minnetonka horny singles no registration, and others saying it felt exactly like oral sex.

At first glance, it did seem different sucj that it might offer a better experience. The silicone head is larger, which made me think it might be more comfortable or less pain inducing.

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Maybe, I thought, these little clit punches would feel better than tentacle tickles? Good news! This one felt slightly less painful than the others, which I think had something to do with the larger head. Looking for a suck toy to make this work, though, I did some more digging around the internet and found a few users recommending using it with lube.

Luckily, I already had some water-based lubricant handy, and fkr it a go for the second time.

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The lube did make a difference at. For a split second, it kind of felt like a mouth just sloshed up on me, but that feeling went away pretty quickly. It Looking for a suck toy back to feeling like it did before, but slightly easier to maneuver. My last attempt. The InsideOut stood out from the rest due to its insertion feature intended for G-spot stimulation.

This one definitely looked the most like it was sent from the future to destroy humanity. Peering into it, I saw a bright green light shining back at me that looked like it was going to scan my clit for fingerprints.

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But, dedicated to the mission, I powered through the weird feeling Looking for a suck toy this was actually invented by the Looking for a suck toy and started masturbating transexual kik it.

Disclaimer though, I think the reason this one worked so well for me is because the insertion feature was extremely Loking as a handle. Rather, I was better able to position the Horny moms Auburn part thanks to the feature that was supposed to be stimulating my inner parts. For most of them, it was my first time experiencing an orgasm I hated, which I previously would've thought impossible.

Seeing so many rave reviews, though, has part of me wondering if maybe my clit is the issue? The problem I experienced was essentially a sensory overload.

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The suction technology is a great thought, but way off when it comes to what is best about cunnilingus, which contains very little sucking, usually. To all pussy-eaters, your job is not. Follow Alison Stevenson on Twitter. Sign up for our newsletter to get the best of VICE delivered to your inbox daily. They ended up being kinda painful, and Looking for a suck toy of them made me pee.

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